New Traditions: Separated Parents’ Tips for a Special Christmas
In our previous article on the first Christmas holiday period as a single parent, Director Rita Gupta discussed starting new seasonal traditions. It’s not a new concept; many of our deep-rooted British traditions were invented by the Victorians, from Christmas cards to decorated trees. Also, each generation adds their own layer of activities as tastes change and technology moves forward.
So, we decided to look at what today’s single parents (mums and dads) have suggested post-divorce or separation, to build happy memories with their kids - and without spending too much. Thanks to all those who posted on various forums (listed below).
Changing existing traditions
Existing family Christmas decoration are often full of memories, and not all will be good. There is no ‘rule’ that you must use last year’s decorations, and indeed if you’re not the resident parent, it’s likely you won’t have access to them anyway. It’s an opportunity to find and make new decorations with your children that are as much fun to make as hang up.
“Life with babies & toddlers is exhausting! There was so much foundational magic we created by slowing down together during their early years. It’s fun to see some new traditions beginning too, which have arisen naturally as we make memories together as the years go on.”
Reddit member
The same idea applies to planning Christmas food. Why not ditch the turkey, sprouts and Christmas pudding, and let the kids plan what they would like to eat. It might be a little unusual, but it’s an opportunity to share the fun of making your own burgers, curry or sushi!
You can also make food look more seasonal without spending on the supermarket equivalents. With a little imagination, you can create snowmen, penguins, reindeer and more from everyday snacks, treats and even vegetables.
(Some great ideas here:
“(My daughter) may only be a year old, but I’ll be starting these traditions now. There’s safety in routines and customs, a familiar sense of home and, most importantly, family. And there’s no reason why our tiny family of two can’t be as fulfilling as anything larger or more conventional.”
Anna Wharton, RED magazine
Brighten up the season with a tour of your local Christmas lights displays on neighbourhood houses. Every year there seems to be more of these creative, computer-controlled, innovative displays, often with a soundtrack that you can tune your car radio or mobile phone to hear. (Much better than deafening the neighbourhood every 15 minutes!)
One parent had a great idea about marking the holiday with a touch of “posh”.
“I bought some gold cutlery in a sale last year that we'll only ever use in December. We have 'December only' glassware too. I've just got some dinner plates with Christmas trees on that will become December only plates too.”
Ordinary glasses can be made extra special and personalised using glass painting pens – just wash the glasses carefully by hand after use.
Visit a Christmas fair or market, and take away ideas to recreate at home, such as spiced hot punches made with fruit juices, home-made gingerbread, decorations made from recycled materials, and more. Budget for something special you can’t do at home, such as ice skating.
Looking to separate in 2025?
Whilst it’s tempting to wait until after Christmas to start proceedings, taking legal advice now can help you understand your position and your options. It may not be the most exciting of Christmas gifts to yourself, but it could be one of the most important for you and your children.
Contact us to book your reduced fee 60-minute consultation either before we close for the holidays on 23rd December 2024, or after our return on 2 January 2025.
Presents and pyjamas
Buying presents can be a case of resisting the expensive demands of the latest toy. However, one parent suggests tackling this issue head on:
“When it comes to your child wanting an expensive toy that you know is rubbish but they see as great because the TV ad makes them look great, the simple answer is to take your child to the toy shop and let them see the reality.”
Kids can get very excited waiting for Santa on Christmas Eve, so take the opportunity to make the day special without the focus on presents. Have a pyjama party at home with a fun festive film and tucking into favourite treats, so everyone is snuggly and (hopefully) a little sleepy. One parent suggests a ‘carpet picnic’ beside the Christmas tree, or eating a meal backwards, starting with dessert.
Traditions don’t have to be low-tech either. One parent quoted in an article at Gingerbread said:
“On Christmas Eve we look at a tracking website www.noradsanta.org to see where Santa is. Of course, Santa won’t come if they’re not asleep so if they’re still up when he gets to France, they know they’re risking it!”
Christmas Day
Cooking Christmas lunch may seem too much this year, so you might be tempted to go out to a restaurant. However, one single parent reminds that this means sitting amongst big families and parents, when you might just be a party of two or three.
Instead, they suggest a ‘bring and share’ Christmas lunch with family and perhaps friends, so the workload of cooking is shared, along with the fun.
“We will wake up in our little flat where we live just the two of us, and (my son) will see what Santa has brought him. Then we’ll head to my Mum and Dad’s for Christmas lunch and then come back to our flat, put on a Christmas film and put together all the toys received as gifts. Toys which I could swear just get more fiddly the older your kid gets ... You can’t call yourself a true single Mum until you’ve constructed a Hot Wheels bat cave in under an hour.”
Amy Nickell, Glamour magazine
In the evening, consider a campout in sleeping bags under the tree, or just in the glow of the lights.
Resist the pressure
Almost every parent who wrote on the forums (listed below) cited how new traditions and activities can build happy memories - and help single parents relax a little.
“Go easy on yourself. It's just one day - try to forget what everyone else is doing. Focus on yourself and your children.”
Mumsnet Dad, 3 children
Legal advice on separation and divorce
Taking early legal advice around separation and divorce can help you out your position into perspective and appreciate the options you have, before you take any final decision. Contact us to book your reduced fee 60mins consultation where we can discuss your circumstances and provide reliable, accurate advice that’s appropriate for you and your family.