Divorced in 2024? 3 Key Things for Co-Parenting This Christmas
If you’re recently divorced, this might be your first Christmas as a resident or non-resident parent. It can be a confusing and hectic time, so it’s important to lay down the basics of co-parenting early on, so you both know what’s happening. (And the children do too.)
1. Your child arrangements
You may already have a Child Arrangement Order from a court. Hopefully that covers the specific details of what happens over the Christmas holidays. If not, a child arrangement letter can lay out what is happening every day over the school holiday period, (not just the statutory holidays).
When you agree on arrangements in advance, everyone can plan, including you, your family, your work colleagues, your friends, and relatives including grandparents. It removes anxiety over the Christmas period and provides stability for the children.
Creating an agreement via a letter yourself can be time-consuming and difficult, as you’ll have to engage with and get the agreement of your ex-partner or spouse. Instead, the team at LGFL can draw up an agreement letter that includes crucial details such as where the children are on Christmas Day (more on this below). Since it’s created by an impartial third party (us), it’s much easier for both of you to sign up to and agree on.
If you are struggling to come to an agreement and feel time is running short, you can request a meeting with us to talk through your options. We can then draft a letter which covers all the details you might have already agreed verbally, and add in anything else you may have concerns about. This can be quickly delivered via email link, and digitally signed by your ex-partner, saving on the uncertainty and timescales of traditional postage.
To get your child agreements sorted in time for Christmas, contact us.
2. Where the children will be on Christmas Day
This is perhaps the most emotive decision you need to make. It’s tempting to think that the fairest solution is to split the day between each parent, but in practice this is often a logistical nightmare. Who cooks lunch? Who does the driving, and when, especially if you now live some distance apart? Who hosts the grandparents if they are coming too? It also means you can’t have a Christmas tipple!
And perhaps most important of all, do you actually want to see your ex on Christmas Day? If that upsets you, or makes you angry, that will affect how the children will feel too, for example.
Many couples find it easier and less emotionally draining to alternate. So, for year one the children are with the resident parent, and year two with the non-resident, for example. That way, the children get two special days and your undivided attention all day, rather than having to divide their energy and enthusiasm between both their parents on the same day.
You can also decide what you’d like to do, and perhaps establish new family Christmas traditions. The Christmas adverts are very good at showing tables groaning with food that could never be cooked by one person, including roasted turkeys that definitely wouldn’t fit in a standard oven! Instead, choose what you’d like to do, to eat and to enjoy. If that’s a Christmas curry or turkey burgers instead, so be it! (More ideas in our next article.)
Those new traditions can also include time for yourself too. Make the most of the time when the children are with their other parent to do what you like to do.
3. Christmas presents costs
On our local community Facebook group, one parent was asking how much people normally spent on presents for two kids for Christmas. Her plan was to spend around £700-£800, which shocked almost all those who replied.
One single parent asked a simple question: how many Christmas presents do you remember from your own childhood?
All who replied said maybe one or two max, but what they did remember were the moments of fun, laughter and time spent together with parents and family, either together or separately. One parent also reminded the group that there was little point in overspending at Christmas and consequently struggling with paying for anything else enjoyable for months.
In a video, LGFL Director Rita Gupta recommends a joint present to share both the cost and the experience for both you and your child. It provides your child with practical proof that co-parenting is working, despite all that has happened.
Going abroad over Christmas?
You may need to get permission from your ex-partner to take your children abroad. See our article “Santa, sunshine and skiing: Christmas holidays abroad and parental permissions” for more details.
Also, if you are travelling to the EU, remember to check everyone’s passports have sufficient validity as the Citizens Advice Bureau explains:
“ You’ll need to renew your passport if either:
- There’s less than 3 months left on your passport at any time while you’re travelling - check your passport to find out when it expires.
- Your passport is 10 years old or more on the day you enter the EU country - count this from the date your passport was issued.
Need to sort your holiday child arrangements?
Contact us at LGFL, and tick this off your Christmas ‘to do’ list in good time so you can enjoy the leadup to the festive season as much as the day itself.